i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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