Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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