it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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