Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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