Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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