you turned your livingroom into a bong?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
