I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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