More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
