vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
