the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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