that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
