Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Help me help you realize you are a moron
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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