found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
