i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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