i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize