I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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