walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
