carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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