Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
