fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When are your genitals available?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
