The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
