so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
