You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
