She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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