Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
