We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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