I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
