No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
this will be a night to untag.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm just crazy horny about you
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
