dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have demons in me.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize