Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
