I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
