we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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