Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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