I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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