we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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