Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
