I just made out with a guy for $7.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
