just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
