Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
