I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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