But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
