I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
