Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A bitchslap is in order.
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