Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
