nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize