Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
