Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
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I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
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Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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