hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm just crazy horny about you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
