Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think my vagina is haunted
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
