you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
