He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
