she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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