Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
