I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
