so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dear god my vagina.
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