I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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