Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
