if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
