While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
