I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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