We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
