If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
