the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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