You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
