where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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