Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
