apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
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he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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