i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
